You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
