yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
