How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
