um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
