Can Purell be used as lube?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
