We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I don't deserve a penis
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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