I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
