It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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