Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
She's the barista slut.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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