Im at strip club and am horny
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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