Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
