i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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