You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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