I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
