Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
