i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
