Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
