Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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