why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize
