We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
