hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I looked at my own cervix.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
