At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
