im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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