Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize
