we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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