I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
