i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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