The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
