i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
