I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
This toilet bowl is my home.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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