He told me they were just razor bumps!
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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