I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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