Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
