If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
