Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Randomize
