I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
