I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
