I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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