Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
