She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
