Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
