I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Randomize
