Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
