May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
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