Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
if i can run in heels then i can drive
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
