In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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