Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
