Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
