i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Don't tell me you're on acid again
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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