farters have to be the big spoon...
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
